I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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