Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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