Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize