If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
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