Cold hands, warm shart.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
