NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I didn't notice because vodka
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
