my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
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