if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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