Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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