kristin has been a bad kristin
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
