it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
