the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
