shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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