That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
