Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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