pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
