the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Randomize
