It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
