you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Randomize