So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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