My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
