remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
