I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
That accounts for only three of the penises
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize