I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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