Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize