I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
