How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I will die if light touches me.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Randomize
