On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
