Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
