Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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