Umm I'm too high to move.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Randomize
