I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Oh god it's open bar.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
