so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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