She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
i believe in u and ur pee
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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