So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
