she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
