A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
