his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
