he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
