walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
