when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i was born a porn star she said
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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