After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
