I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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