Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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