Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize