The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
