How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
