My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
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