I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
