I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
