Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
