I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize