Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize