I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize