Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
