All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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