He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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