is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
