playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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