she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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