I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
