did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
