she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
