i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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