We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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