guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Randomize
