I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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