I just pynch a tree in the face
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
