How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
