The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
