a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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