The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
