Acid is not a monday night drug
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
