my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
