it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
