and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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