OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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