I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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